(poem by Jacob McMillen)

If I cannot reach You, what is left?
If I cannot know You, why continue?
If I cannot see Your face and behold Your glory
How could I even face the morning?
There is nothing else but You

You are not just the final rung to climb
You are not but Creation’s furthest height
You are not only the greatest prize defined
You are everything, and
There is nothing else but You

What else could I desire?
What could chance compete with You?
What else even holds a candle
To the never ending fire that consumes me like You do
There is nothing else but You

If I had the power that you posses
If my words ordained a universe
My sole desire would be to hand it back
To be satisfied within Your hand
There is nothing else but You

My mind, my heart, my soul, my flesh
Captivated and consumed
By perfect love and perfect truth
Found only in a perfect King
There is nothing else but You

What words are there to speak His name
A partial glimpse of timeless ways
Shadows hint at unseen glory
Flames that grow out of the rain
There is nothing else but You

Look into the Father’s eyes
Behold the beauty your heart desires
There is nothing else that satisfies
There is nothing else that burns with life
There is nothing else but You

Give me eyes to see the things I miss
Ears to hear your silent song
A mouth that feels your subtle kiss
A heart that truly grasps your love

(Poem by Jacob McMillen)

Everything within me cries aloud for more
Restless beyond words, I’m desperately searching for
A greater presence than I have felt, greater power than I’ve sustained
Something deeper than simple cares beheld most every day
The darkness screams, anticipating
My heart defiant, but hesitating
Am I but words and phrases neatly written for your pleasure?

I’m tired of the shadows, but really that’s a lie
I’m tired of the questions while the answers pass me by
I’m sick of feeling sorry, though it seems I rarely do
I’m done with feeling less a man whilst thinking about you

What would it take for me to tame the oscillating tides?
My goals, my dreams, my visions are no more easily derived
The future beckons, calls me clearly, whispers from inside
Let everything else I’ve known be false
But this… oh this…
No, this cannot be a lie

(Song by Jacob McMillen)

Face to face I see you now
Silently you scream aloud
And through the painting I can see you fading

Stakes of gold pressed through your heart
Hollow laughter can’t impart
Burning bridges falling all around you

You look at me like I’m gone
Like I would never stay
Like I would sit here with you
Then merely drift away
You think of me like a mist
That simply fades away

You look at me like a curse
That when you close your eyes
You’ll open up, look again
Just see the sunrise
All I want is to show
That I am here to stay

How can I demonstrate with words
When every day has gone unheard
When every minute is just one minute closer

Fear has swallowed up your heart
The priceless treasure that you are
But only can take the captor captive

The crowds have left before
Been those who walked right out the door
But I will never leave you
As I have never left before
Nothing you say, nothing you do
Can ever take me away
Nothing you’ve lost, nothing you’ll lose
Can change my heart for you
I’ll stand with you, again and again
And again and again and again…

(by Jacob McMillen)

Early in the morning
I could never comprehend
The boundless love and endless grace
That covered all my sin
But faithfully you teach me
And every day I climb
Higher up to the mount of God
Where everything is mine
As noon draws near, I’m frightened
For the reality I see
Is but a shadow, a whisper, a ghost
Of the dreams inside of me
I’d love to write an ending
Quote the wonders of the night
But if just one thing I know for sure
The prize is worth the fight
So make me this one promise
Only this do I desire
Eyes to see and ears to hear
That you might never pass me by
I’ve trusted you with all I am
I’d give it all to you again
My Father, King, and perfect Friend
Come have your way in me

(by Jacob McMillen: dedicated to my mother)

In the quiet still of morning’s first light
I sit quietly upon the hill and ponder
Slides and memories wish to show me my life
But all that interests me is this feeling
Gratitude bursts forth from deep inner wells
Reservoirs forged of sweat, blood, and tears
Hidden lakes formed slowly, ever slowly, over twenty-some years
What is the price of a virtuous woman?
Who can measure her value and worth?
What can be said of the love that you’ve given?
What can be said of your selfless, poured-out life?
If mere words could suffice, I would write you a ballad
A musical epic befitting your strength
But thankfully dear, I can do so much better
For songs, hymns, and ballads are not your reward
So day after day I pursue with a vengeance
That I might but apprehend, the One I was apprehended for
And line upon line I reach closer and higher
Experiencing the joy that is yours evermore
Oh virtuous woman, receive freely His grace
For your husband shall sit with the elders, he shall be known in the gates
Your children, clothed in scarlet, are taking their thrones
Oh blessed of women, the Word spoken is yours
Dear queen of our hearts, come and drink your reward
Surely mercy and goodness at your left and your right
Surely a fire by day and a cloud by the night
Many sons love their mothers, and for this I rejoice
But you have been chosen, you have answered the call
Your beauty only rivaled by your favor with all
And unto you it is given to know the mysteries of the King
The strength of His goodness, the power of His might
For you are His beloved, and you are my delight

(by Jacob McMillen)

Gently laid upon the dust
Faint glimpses of a timeless love
Nestled deep in winter’s embrace
Hidden pressures purge the clay
Waiting, sleeping, drinking, dreaming
Flexing, shaking, tensing, aching

Enveloped thick in densest fog
Creation formed amongst the thaw
Whilst pale light frames a whispered form
Shadows dance upon the thorns
Stretching, seething, flexing, breathing
Searching, seeking, turning, breaching

As summer’s sun invades the dirt
Reflections speak of priceless worth
Soft ground unfurls yielded fruit
The heavens mumble priceless truth
Reaching, chasing, leaning, racing
Pushing, yearning, breaking, burning

Leaves of gold on reddish clay
Drop slightly, sweetly, like lingering rain
Musical quiet courts abiding peace
As nature aligns to the swelling beat
Listening, facing, seeing, tasting
Hearing, knowing, seizing, going

I generally would consider myself a half-decent individual. On occasion, I view myself a bit too leniently. But then again, many of the amazing things I do, the moments of character, are my own exclusive knowledge. I can also view myself rather horribly at times. After all, only I know the full extent of my depravity. But God’s view of me never changes. It’s fixed on a static image. He doesn’t view me in my current condition. When He looks at me, he sees the perfection of Christ, the glory of His Son. And consequently, He sees the best possible version of me, the sanctified me, the Bride in me. And deep cries out to deep in the depths of my being until His view becomes identical with my reality. Cause if God just looked at me and said, “perfect” and the story ended, then Christianity is the most elaborate trick to every be played on mankind. If I never actually become perfect, it’s all a lie. But as I behold Him in His glory, as if looking in a mirror, I am changed into His likeness. And as He speaks to me, not as I am by sight, by as I am by faith, I am further empowered in that transformation.

I want to give as I have been given. I want to view those around me by faith, not by sight. I want my interactions with others to empower them to become the best versions of themselves… to be the Bride.